Much of this post is truly written out of hurt because of some things that have been said to me recently but it had me thinking this morning about this identity I carry around of "Army Wife"
First let me say this...I have always considered myself Bens wife. Yes being his wife makes me a wife of a solider, a solider who's currently serving our country for the second time. I have never considered myself "HOOAH" enough to be waving my proud Army Wife flags and wearing the shirts but that doesn't mean that I love my husband less.
When we first moved here Ft. Stewart was indeed the first place we had lived together especially in this whole world of Army. During Bens last deployment the kids and I stayed in PHX which was close to an AFB which I am familiar with and comfortable with due to the fact I was raised in the Air Force. My first impressions were awful. I meant countless lady after lady who not only proudly wore their army wife tag but they wore their husbands ranks, his awards, and counted down the days til they left because they needed a break. I was disgusted. Is this what being an Army Wife is about? Their cars are decked out in "I love my Solider" and "Half my Heart Is In Iraq" and yet their excited for this extra deployment money and breaks from their marriage. Maybe this is just a way of dealing with this chaotic lifestyle of separations and moving around but I have always tried to value my marriage and put it before Bens job.
Here's my question. If you don't support Obama does that mean you don't love America or support our troops? No...right! So tell me this. Why is it that if I miss my husband I no longer support him? Why cant I hide under my covers and behind closed blinds when it seems a little too lonely or never ending? Who are you as everyday Americans, family, or friends to judge me because I don't answer my phone enough or I loose touch because its one more thing to deal with when I'm already dealing with enough. I support my husband and I am truly grateful for his job and the living that he provides for our family but guess what...I MISS HIM! I am in this location for him and because of him. This is NOT where my family is this is NOT where I would settle if it wasn't for him but I do it and want to know why...because I love and support him. Deployments are not like all the sudden being single again. It is having your best friend, soul mate, support, and lover (yes I blushed) taken from you and then you are forced to spin 25 different plates of your own plus your kids and his and not let them fall. People need to understand we are not victims but we struggle...this is a hard life. Deployments are NOT an excuse...they are truly something that limits us as individuals and as families. We love and support our Soldiers but even though we picked this life the pain of separation isn't any less.
I have learned some very important life lessons this deployment...
1. I am a better person with Ben
2. When I'm overwhelmed I shut people out
3. Not everyone in your life needs to be there
4. Distance does not make the heart wander or even grow fonder
5. Our house makes a lot of noise and its not a burglar its just a noise!
6. I can fix plumbing issues
7. I can feel joy, love, resentment, happiness, and shed tears all in a matter of 30 min
8. We are fortunate to have Bens job despite the distance
9. Never bite off more then you can chew
10. I can be 5 places at once
but most importantly this too shall pass!
All those life lessons make me an Army Wife...not the magnets on my car (which I don't have)
Don't judge me because I let one of those plates fall and don't pity me either. I have a beautiful life and what doesn't kill us does make us stronger. I have a light at the end of my tunnel and for that I am grateful. These last 2 months are like the last part of a road trip...they take the longest but in the end we will be together in person as a family again so for that fact alone Ill wait...maybe not patiently but I never claimed that as a virtue of mine.
5 comments:
Man, can I relate.....military life is definetely not an easy one paved with big money and excitement! I spent lots of time "waiting" for my man to come home from some TDY or an exercise on base. It did have lots of rewards tho. Good friends, new places to live for short amounts of time, steady pay, pride for our country, the constant reminder of what freedom is and costs each day, a not too bad way to raise the kids, and for us--a retirement at an early age so we could do something else in life. Hang in there Amber. We all deal with lifes stresses the best we can--whether we're an Army wife or not. Someday you'll look back on these experiences and realize how much you grew because of them. Know we love you all and are proud of all that you and Ben do. You are great people and lots of others watch you, love you, pray for you, admire you, cheer for you, hope for you, cry for you, and just plain CARE for and about you all. Just do the best you can each day--that's all the Lord asks of any of us.
Amber all I have to say is your AWESOME, you are a fantastic woman, I and truely grateful for the sacrifice your solider has made to be on of the many to help keep us in a free country. Your a great friend and Utah and the Nelson family miss you guys. Personally to those women who have to annouce that there husbands are gone I think that would be a safety risk annoucing that there husbands are gone any person could follow the home. Personally I would rather stay quiet and proud.
Well said Amber! I find that one of my biggest pet pieves is when people talk to us like we choose for our husbands to be away, or like we are different and even like it. Just because my husbands job makes it so we have to be apart often - and not only for deployements and such - doesn't mean it doesn't break my heart EVERY time I have to say good-bye. We do it because we have to, and we try to do it well.
I am so grateful to have the church as a stable part of my life, so that I am not completely submersed in the Army world, and that it gives me a place to draw friends from that have a different outlook on life. A place where our marriages aren't just something we have to "endure" while our husbands are around etc.
You are awesome Amber! i miss you!
PS. Do you guys know where you are PCSing to next?
Wow girl you have got to be with a wrong crowd in there somewhere. I can't believe you've had to deal with some of that while being an Army wife. You are an amazing person. Every Army wife has to find her own definition of what that means to her and I love what you have done with it. Hang in there, and let out your frustrations any way you need to. Also I'm going to call you to set up lunch this week while I'm still here.
I am so glad you posted this, Amber. I cannot even imagine what it must be like for you to have your best friend worlds away. I don't know how you do it, but I am grateful for women and families like you that make the silent sacrifices that are often overlooked. I think, that for just a moment, I got a glimpse into your reality. We love you guys bunches. I hope October comes quickly for you. Please know that I am always hear should you need to cry, vent, laugh, or just chat. Kiss those kids for me.
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