Much of this post is truly written out of hurt because of some things that have been said to me recently but it had me thinking this morning about this identity I carry around of "Army Wife"
First let me say this...I have always considered myself Bens wife. Yes being his wife makes me a wife of a solider, a solider who's currently serving our country for the second time. I have never considered myself "HOOAH" enough to be waving my proud Army Wife flags and wearing the shirts but that doesn't mean that I love my husband less.
When we first moved here Ft. Stewart was indeed the first place we had lived together especially in this whole world of Army. During Bens last deployment the kids and I stayed in PHX which was close to an AFB which I am familiar with and comfortable with due to the fact I was raised in the Air Force. My first impressions were awful. I meant countless lady after lady who not only proudly wore their army wife tag but they wore their husbands ranks, his awards, and counted down the days til they left because they needed a break. I was disgusted. Is this what being an Army Wife is about? Their cars are decked out in "I love my Solider" and "Half my Heart Is In Iraq" and yet their excited for this extra deployment money and breaks from their marriage. Maybe this is just a way of dealing with this chaotic lifestyle of separations and moving around but I have always tried to value my marriage and put it before Bens job.
Here's my question. If you don't support Obama does that mean you don't love America or support our troops? No...right! So tell me this. Why is it that if I miss my husband I no longer support him? Why cant I hide under my covers and behind closed blinds when it seems a little too lonely or never ending? Who are you as everyday Americans, family, or friends to judge me because I don't answer my phone enough or I loose touch because its one more thing to deal with when I'm already dealing with enough. I support my husband and I am truly grateful for his job and the living that he provides for our family but guess what...I MISS HIM! I am in this location for him and because of him. This is NOT where my family is this is NOT where I would settle if it wasn't for him but I do it and want to know why...because I love and support him. Deployments are not like all the sudden being single again. It is having your best friend, soul mate, support, and lover (yes I blushed) taken from you and then you are forced to spin 25 different plates of your own plus your kids and his and not let them fall. People need to understand we are not victims but we struggle...this is a hard life. Deployments are NOT an excuse...they are truly something that limits us as individuals and as families. We love and support our Soldiers but even though we picked this life the pain of separation isn't any less.
I have learned some very important life lessons this deployment...
1. I am a better person with Ben
2. When I'm overwhelmed I shut people out
3. Not everyone in your life needs to be there
4. Distance does not make the heart wander or even grow fonder
5. Our house makes a lot of noise and its not a burglar its just a noise!
6. I can fix plumbing issues
7. I can feel joy, love, resentment, happiness, and shed tears all in a matter of 30 min
8. We are fortunate to have Bens job despite the distance
9. Never bite off more then you can chew
10. I can be 5 places at once
but most importantly this too shall pass!
All those life lessons make me an Army Wife...not the magnets on my car (which I don't have)
Don't judge me because I let one of those plates fall and don't pity me either. I have a beautiful life and what doesn't kill us does make us stronger. I have a light at the end of my tunnel and for that I am grateful. These last 2 months are like the last part of a road trip...they take the longest but in the end we will be together in person as a family again so for that fact alone Ill wait...maybe not patiently but I never claimed that as a virtue of mine.
